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Tuesday, October 07, 2008, 6:50 PM
Too much in my mind
Happy 13th Anniversary bf. May everything go smoothly. Insya'allah. Allah will be there to guide us. :)) I wished that i could wake up each day with a smile. I wished that I could sleep with peaceful and no other problems in my head. But sometimes I prefer to sleep forever. Why? Because I know I don't have to face any obstacles and problems that is just nerve wrecking. I asked myself, do tears solve problem? The answer. Of course NO. I just think that "tears" are just my another companion, another friend by my side to hear all my rants. I don't deny, everyone has their own problems, it depends on how strong are we to push everything out. I know how strong I am. I know my limitations. I don't want to be proud to say how strong I am or how patient I am. But I know I've been a strong little girl all along. A girl who wished to seek for her own happiness but all along there are many steps that she need to step on. Yes. Once I do want to give up, when something in you tells that you can no longer go any further, yeah...that's where I am right now. I tried everything, everyway but some things sure to block our way. For once, i think that love is bullshit. You get love, tears, fights, joy, happiness...everything in one but still, you LOVE that person. I took everything seriously, I never want to think about further "future" of us because I'm so afraid everything would only turned out to be a fantasy. To tell you the truth, this is the 1st ever relationship that I took seriously. I never want people to label as "puppy love" aka "cinta monyet" because i think that people are mature enough to differentiate it. Everytime I think about relationship, I ponder, " I shouldn't be in this relationship if tears and pain is what I get in return". Yeah..I know.r/s bound to get conflicts and bickering over small matter. I don't deny that. But isn't it better to have NONE of those? It kept linger in my mind. It do sound true. Relationship are parts and parcels of life. I need to face it. I need to sacrifice every bit of my energy if I want this to go far. Who doesn't want their r/s to go far, till engaged, till married or even grandchildren?? Everyone does including me. Some people take things for granted. I think that if you put yourself in my shoes, you might understand rather than just reading this post. I know that Nura(babe) know how strong I am in this relationship, she knew everything inside and out of my relationship but she always advices me that... you went so far, why stop now? Its true but I just wish that everything would turn out better......I hope everything could stop. ): |